My Living Guru

Libby and Enzo have been enjoying a week of resting from all their rest. On Monday, my morning didn't start so well since Libby woke up in a very cranky mood. When she is in a cranky mood, she cries very often and also wants me to carry her for everything. Anyway, long story short, we were running late for school, and I needed to go downstairs to ask Sugirda if her driver could give us a ride to school when Nikil was ready (Nikil goes to the same school) because it was raining. 

But before asking,  I checked on my cell phone to see what time it was. Oh, the sweet news from Libby's teacher:  School has been canceled today due to heavy rain.

SWEEEEEEET!!!, I told Libby. I was -seriously- so excited. I wanted to be with her the whole day. I thought it was awesome that we would be able to spend the day in, just cuddling and doing my BSF homework, drinking tea, and eating biscuits. On Tuesday she didn't have to school anyway since we go to BSF, and why not? She also had Diwali break Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. So we had a whole week to enjoy our mother-daughter, mother-son, brother-sister bliss...

Of course after an hour of being with both of them... I made coffee, and took a long breath :)

Nena wearing her uniform

Nothing much has happened this week, tough. It has been raining a lot so we cannot even get out. Libby is getting better and better at riding her scooter. Enzo is a very sweet boy. He is talking much more than before. He is also very polite. He says please, and thank you, without me having to ask him. The other day we took Libby to school, and then we went to the doctor so that he could have his typhoid vaccine. You never know when you can get sick, I guess. His pediatrician recommended it when he turned two, and so he got it.

Riding scooter

When he got the vaccine he cried a little bit. And I really mean I little bit. Like three seconds. Then it was over. Libby would cry, and cry, and cry. Enzo didn't. I can see the whole girl drama, I guess. So he really deserved ma, ma, ma :) We were supposed to eat the ice cream before picking up Libby from school, but it was raining again, plus it took me like three hours to go to the hospital and get back. I had to go up to talk to the doctor, then the doctor gave me a prescription for the vaccine. Then I went down to the pharmacy to buy it, plus the syringe. I was in such a good mood, because I was spending time with Enzo on my own.

Sharing the reward

Enjoying his reward

That was until I was about to pay with a 500 rupee bill and the lady said she didn't have any change. Oh, great... So I call Kannadasan to ask him if he has any change. I needed 170 rupees - less than three dollars for a vaccine. And I didn't bring change. Kannadasan somehow says he only has a 500 bill, too. So I guess the lady took compassion on the white lady, and she gave me change. At least now I know better. So when we came back to pick Libby up, we spend like thirty minutes in the car while Enzo took a nap. Kannadsan is saving up for his wedding. He says he wants a wife with a good heart, more than beauty on the outside. I tell him I'm going to pray for that. He says thank you.

We also talked about some of his beliefs...

Since I've been here, I'm trying to make sense of it all. Several people now have told me Indians here will never accept me as their true friend. I am finding out that there is an abysm between us - a cultural one. I will always be a foreigner, and will never be considered one of their own, no matter how long I could live here. Not that I want to be considered one of them -exactly them- because I am me, and I like who I am. I am not Indian. I know that. I don't want to be Indian. I just want to be friends, good friends with them. More than the regular chit chat you get everywhere, you know. It's difficult to be friends with somebody. I guess it's even more difficult to be friends with somebody from another culture.

Upstairs

Then again, I really like the people. And some of them seem to like me. Sudha came the other day with Karthik, her son, and they didn't let me cook for them. They said they had just come to be with us. They wanted to enjoy their time with us. Karthik is so very mature for his 28 years. Sudha listens most of the time, as she doesn't speak English very well. That's why Karthik always comes with his mom. But he said he feels like he has known us for such a very long time, like if we were family. They brought me some food on Diwali. They didn't have to, but they did. I gave them some cookies I bought since I had no idea what to give them. Love is enough, Karthik said. I can't seem to believe they would want to take advantage of me. It would be a very long con.

I've also read that among castes, the lowest castes are "untouchable". The higher castes won't even associate with them. So far as to separate themselves from things they touch, or things they eat. And get this. I, as a Western, am even lower in their eyes than the lowest of their lowest caste. The reasons? Might be that I eat beef, and pork. Who knows? It sucks if all this is true, but I'm still hoping is not. They are so polite, tough, they won't tell you to your face. But it would really, really suck if on the inside this is what they think of us.

Libby at church

I also understand -or I'm trying- where they might be coming from. You know what I mean? Like the other day I met a Muslim couple at the mall, and the wife and I have been texting each other back and forth. Her children were very sweet, very polite. Was the guy carrying a bomb to blow himself up? I doubt it. But this is what people or most people think of Muslims when they see the news. At least in the US. Or take Emerson and me for example. For the last seven years we had been living in the US trying to do things "right" in hopes of getting to stay there if possible. We would like to. That's actually why we are in India now. But the average American, I'm sure, is thinking we Mexicans are a bunch of people with no work, and illegally living int their country. Thanks to the news again.  So I can see why Indians would think whatever it is they're actually thinking.

Which takes me to my original point. Kannadasan shared with me some things about Hinduism. And I don't really know if this is actually what he meant as our communication is very, very limited. But he shared about the many lives that he may live or has lived. He also told me he is not a bad man. He doesn't think of himself as a sinner. This is where the West meets the East... which is actually super funny since Christianity is not a Western religion. Whatever...

Enzo at church

- Good person. Good heart. Good character...
- Sure, Kannadasan. I'm a good person, too. Sometimes. But other times, I want to do wrong. 
- No. Good character. 
- Are you telling me you have never lied? Or lust? Or coveted?
- Lust? No understanding...
- Never mind... What about doing wrong? What happens if you do wrong?
- No wrong. My god, good way.
- So you are not what I would call a sinner. I am sinner. Kannadasan, do you sin? Do you do wrong things?
- No, no sinner. Good character. 
- So what about karma? Don't you pay for something? 
- Oh, yes. I pay. Wrong doing, I pay. [He is almost happy]. Bad karma. Good doing, good karma.
- Jesus paid for me.
- No. I pay.
- Well, I guess that's fair...

Cool glasses. Not even hers :)

So, as I read more, the concept of sin in Hinduism is totally different - if not non-existent. It is free of guilt, fear and punishment. Hindus think they are good in nature. They clean themselves from it, like if it were dirt. The opposite from the Christian view, where no matter what you do, you cannot really get rid of it. I tried, even before I was a Christian, and I never could. You can pretend is not there, but it always hunted me. In Hinduism,  however, no matter what you do, you are an extension of the Creator, who I think is Brahma. So calling them sinners is like, denying their divine nature. You are as you think. You think you are sinner, you identify with the sin. You think you're god, then you become god.

So when Kannadasan told me he pays, I was pleasantly surprised. I don't agree with what he believes, but I like Kannadasan. It's not difficult to like a guy who drives you around, and who entertains your children at the store while you buy groceries. He even plays with them. He is a good man. I have never said he is not a good man. Most people are good people. But most people are also mean. You cannot be good 100% of your time.

Playing in the rain
(with Kannadasan)

But there is the reality to wanting to approach God, or a god. For some people anyhow. Atheists would disagree. For the rest of us, if such entity exists, it has to be perfect, doesn't it? The god has to be bigger and mightier than any human being. You want a powerful god. I know I do. Why the hell would I trust a god or would even want its protection if such god cannot demonstrate more power than the one I already have?

Fine, I think I'm god, then I can be a god. Let's go there... In my thirty years of experience I've been far from that. I've tried to change myself on many different aspects of my life. I've tried to control many outcomes. People in my family still died. I was still bullied at school. I suffer. I still have struggles. So, as a god, I suck, I guess. I, as the maker of my own destiny, have failed. Relentlessly.

Again, I'm not questioning Hinduism or anything. I'm just trying to make sense even of my own beliefs. Lately, it feels like I want to make so much sense of the culture that I'm living in, that I just don't even know what the heck is going on. Every Hindu is a different world. And I really want to become part of their world. I want to get to know them, not judge them. Not that I have abandoned my beliefs. But when you see Kannadasan telling you that he is fine with whatever happens in his life because he knows he is getting what he deserves (good or bad), it makes you think. It made me think, and also smile, and also cry. Not in front of him, of course.

Enzo swinging

If my Entity is not real, then who cares about what happens to me. I'm so freaking invested in following The Lord Jesus (I've been advised to call Him that), that for me, there's no way back. So if The Lord Jesus is a fake, screw me. Fine, I can live with that. If Kannadasan's Entity is not real, then who knows? He will keep reincarnating over and over. If it is real, tough, then kudos to Kannadasan. He will live his many lives reincarnating until he cleans himself from all his impurities, pays for his own bad karma, and goes to his god. That's what he said. His god doesn't let him sin or do wrong. He guides him on the good way. Always. And no matter what, you always go to the god at the end of the many lives. Hindus are never going to judge my theology as incorrect because for them everything is a manifestation of God. There are many ways to God. So we are all going to the same place.

Ready for the nais (dogs)

But what if my Entity is real? The Entity I have chosen to follow says He loves ALL people. He chose a man, and out of that man, He wanted to create a nation that would tell everybody about that love. My Entity has very clearly stated that He is not like me. He made me, but I am in NO WAY able to approach Him by my own efforts. He made clear that THE WAY to Him is His Son, The Lord Jesus. My God is so perfect, and mighty and powerful that He does not live in temples built by human hands. He is not served by human hands as if needs it. At the same time, He is not so far away from us. I don't have to second guess the way to Him. I can approach Him on His terms. And if I do, He welcomes me. I do not have to be afraid anymore. I have a perfect Father in Him. Yes, I deserve the punishment. Nobody is saying I don't. But my Father took it all on His very own Son.

I don't have to live many lives for my Entity is merciful. He has the power to eliminate my suffering out of His love for me, and He chooses to do it. As I try to understand karma, reincarnation is there...

Doing homework

You die, you reincarnate in another life. No guarantees it will be flesh as a human being. It could be a dog, a cow, a bird, a worm. Karma has no compassion. People have to experience the full consequences of their actions. No real forgiveness. You better be good or else... But what if you are not? No matter how many good deeds you do, you are still subject to the bad karma. Always.

In my mind, even thought the law of karma makes fair sense, it also doesn't. I want a perfect, mighty God, don't I? I've got it. He is fair. And He is just. Yes, I do deserve to pay for my karma. And my punishment is death. That's it. Death as in being separated from God's presence forever.  But My God is also all-knowing. He knows that if He gave me a thousand lives to live, I would always mess up. I would always screw up because I'm broken inside. I would mess up because I'm human, and I'm not a god. I am not perfect.

And so my God took care of business Himself. Enough non-sense with my karma. "You will never be able to pay for your own bad karma, Karla. So I will pay for it myself", He said.

While karma said, "You deserve it", my perfect living guru said, "I love you, and I'm going to rescue you from it."

My one monkey

And so God came to Earth. He lived a perfect life as the Lord Jesus. He only did good karma. Never, not only once, did He do something wrong. Then, Lord Jesus died on a cross. My bad karma's punishment was to die. But Lord Jesus died in my place. After being dead for three days in a cave, He came back to life again. He came back from the dead, in the same body. The SAME BODY. No reincarnation.

Lord Jesus was victorious over death, proving Himself to be more powerful than the Law of Karma. After his resurrection (coming back to life in the same body), He ascended into heaven. And He is alive today. The same power that brought Him back from the dead is the same power I have as his disciple. He lives in me. As I follow Him, I'm not subject to the law of karma anymore.

It is for freedom that the Lord Jesus has set me free.

By His Spirit I am able to choose love over hate, joy over sadness, peace over worry, patience over frustration, kindness over harshness, goodness over evil, faithfulness over disloyalty, gentleness over meanness, self-control over instability... and I could go on, and on, and on...

I guess...

He doesn't want me a slave of anything, but of Him. His love. And for His love, and by His love, I am free to serve him, and do my good deeds. Not because I have to, but because I want to. And by His Spirit in me, I am able to walk in the right way. Not because I am this great good person. No. I need Him daily. But He is always with me, guiding me. And God, who is a man, and has a name... God, the great I AM, Yahweh... God doesn't give me what I deserve anymore.

Stay tuned for more of my own logical approaches to my own faith, as I might get together with my Muslim friend :)

First Day of School

It seems everybody prepared me - or I prepared myself- for the bad things that come with having your child at school. You know, that first day when you go, and leave them for the first time for three hours with a total stranger. I mean, for all I know, the teacher is a stranger to me. That "Meet the Teacher" week or whatever is non-existent here, or I missed it. I met Libby's teacher today when I dropped her at her classroom, and she didn't even tell me her name. 

I did cry the very first I dropped her. In Mexico. I literally felt a part of me was missing. Would she be okay? Would she cry? Would she miss me? I had Enzo, my mom, my dad, and sister to keep me company, but I still felt sad. And Libby did cry, not the first day, but the second and third. I was totally convinced she didn't need school, that all she needed was me. Until we moved to Chennai. She is a very smart little girl, and she enjoys being around me and her brother, but she also gets very bored. There's so much you can do in an apartment when your only playmate is your brother, I guess... There are no playgrounds around like in Houston, and there are no sidewalks to walk, no really fun stuff to do. And if there is, you have to pay, like insane money.

First Day :)

So we thought about school for a while, and once we visited the campus she was so excited. Even I was very excited for her. So today was her very first day. It went great. She did not cry at all, I did not cry at all. In the morning, Daddy made pancakes as a surprise for her, and I gave her a gift: I gave her my Bible. I think it meant a lot to her to know that it is no longer mine, but hers. And it also has her name on it. A long time ago, when I bought it at the Christian store, I paid for my name on it. Karla Nunez. Little did I know...

I did feel something during breakfast. I do not want her to grow up. And I teared up a little... She is being exposed to new things, and to different people, and spending 3.5 hours less with me. But I am so proud of the girl she is now. I wrote on her Bible:

Mamuka, 

You begin a journey today. Always remember whose child you are. Let your light shine, and be the girl God made you to be. I will always love you. No matter what. 

Mommy

Daddy and Libby

Anyways... nobody called me from school so I was a little sad to know that she was having a great time, but being home with Enzo was like a whole new experience. I knew about the bad things about missing your child, and I might be a terrible mother for saying this, but it is freaking awesome to have your children at school!!! At least one... 

It was so peaceful and quiet in here. Emerson dropped us off (he went to school for Libby's first day), and I washed the dishes, washed clothes, and went upstairs to hang them, and brought them down. I was asking Enzo constantly to come and wash the dishes with me to spend time together, but all he wanted to do was to play with Thomas. Then we just sat down, did my BSF homework, and did nothing. Which I am sure nothing is a lot, but Enzo is very content. Enzo likes to do stuff his own way and on his own. 

If you sit down to play with him, he likes it. But he is also happy playing by himself. He likes to do stuff, tough. I found out today he likes walking a lot. I've always knew that, but you've gotta understand that I'm learning to know my boy in a deeper level like never before. All this time when I talk, I almost always have conversations with Libby, and Enzo just listens. I try to engage Enzo, but he almost never answers. Libby thrives in conversations, I don't know if it is because she likes talking a lot, or because she is a woman, or both. But most of the time, my brain is fried... but not today. 

- I love your eyes, Nena.

- Why?

- They're so brown you can get lost in them

Most of the time when I talk, Libby is telling me a story of her own, and talking, talking, talking non-stop, but not today. Today it was all about Libby at school. But it was also about Enzo at home with his Mama. I love my boy. I am so glad Emerson listened to God, and thought it would be better if we didn't send Enzo to school just yet. I was so ready to get rid of both of them. Who am I kidding? I'm not the mother of the year. I was exhausted. I am exhausted. They are -not always, but on a regular basis- fighting over toys, yelling at each other, or arguing. The have wonderful times together also. But I needed a break... so I got my break. 

I am spending my time only with one child from now on. After the house-stuff was ready, we went to the grocery store walking and we talked about many things. We talked about something that I had just read on my lesson today. It was about God being all powerful. We do have a life to live, but God is involved in the most silly details. He is taking care of us, always. Even when we feel He has no idea about what's going on, there is something there to remind you God cares.

Ok... Let's do this 

Before picking up Libby, we stopped at the grocery store. We bought some juice boxes, and some chocolate to share when we saw Libby, since it was the first day at school. They like playing in the school playground after school is over. Libby says she really likes school, and I'm so very happy for her.

I am happy for my boy, too. He is so cuddly. He likes to hug me, and that is something I haven't done in a long time, so I'm gonna make up for it. 

So I'll be talking more about Enzo in the near future, and the adventures we have on our own :)

Meet The Family

I am in cultural shock. I don't know another term for what I am experiencing. So to wrap it up, I have three accounts that point to the fact that I'm in serious need of American detox. 

1. KANNADASAN IS MY ANNA (OLDER BROTHER). I spent like ninety minutes with Kannadasan trying to buy a cheap saree the other day. He took me to a shop, and of course I said, I'll be back. But never mind, he always follows me wherever I enter. So he translated some things for me, and I was finally able to understand that when buying the saree, you only buy the "blanket". You have to go to a tailor to stitch the blouse, and I also bought like a long skirt to go under the saree, you know, in case it falls down. 

At the saree shop, I asked the lady if she was married just to make conversation. But I didn't see any thali around the neck so I knew she wasn't married. Then my western mind wanted to joke around and I was about to say, "Well, Kannadasan is single... do you like Kannadasan?", but I was able to shut my mouth before I embarrassed myself and the two young people. Then we go to the tailor whose shop was closed. Cross the streets. Kannadasan jumps in front of the cars, and laughs about how I didn't go, and comes back to get me, this time stopping the cars for me. We go to the second shop, but it's a men's shop, so they didn't want to make my blouse. I tell Kannadasan that when he gets married I want to go to his wedding. He says thank you. Like a real sincere thank you, like a friend. Also he says that he is getting married in six months, no matter whether or not he marries the woman of her dreams. And I 'm like, "Score!, I'll get to see an Indian wedding". I ask him if they have honey moon or something similar, he says yes. He also mentions it lasts one to two weeks, but mostly two. Yeah, right... You just want two weeks vacation, I thought. 

NO, NO, NO...

Finally, we get to a lady's tailor, and after several attempts on translating, someone actually translates what I needed to know. So I'll get the blouse in a week. I moved to another shop within the temple. The tailor was inside a Hindu temple. Right when I get inside the jewelry shop, I see Jesus. No kidding. I see a big frame with a picture of Jesus. I was actually pleasantly surprised, that I couldn't keep it inside, and I said out loud, "What do you know? What is Jesus doing here?"

Lady says she is a Christian. I had left Kannadasan talking to the tailor's ladies, but by now he was next to me again. Translating and interacting with everybody I am interacting. Lady says her parents and grandparents are Christians, and we couldn't really talk because she didn't speak English. But they liked me or at least made fun of me because it seemed they had a good time listening to what Kannadasan was telling them about me. I understood saree, tailor, Karla. So I showed them pictures of my children, and told them in Tamil how Enzo is payenne and not pune. Everybody thinks he is pune because of the long hair and how beautiful he actually is. All are laughing.

Reading

I see Jesus has a sign about being the way, the truth and the life, and I show Kannadasan the Bible verse in Tamil on my cellphone. Then the lady proceeds to preach it, I guess, or tells him something. I also make sure he knows Mary is not a god, just a regular woman. Now that I think about it, I also need to make sure he knows God din't have sex with Mary... As we were leaving the temple, I thanked him for his help and I said he was kind of a lot of everything for us. He was like a body guard, a translator. A brother, he also says. Hmm, I don't know about that, I thought. 

2. SUDHA IS MY AKKA (OLDER SISTER). So we were invited on Saturday to the house of a lady I met walking that morning. I guess it's not the first time we saw each other because most days we say hi, but I had never actually stopped to talk to her. One day I asked where she had bought her walking shoes because they were New Balance, and I was hoping there was actually a New Balance store that I had missed, but she didn't speak English very well. That was like three weeks ago, though. On Saturday, I saw her again after two weeks of being lazy in my running. And I just didn't stop, I had to run 9 miles, you know. But something made me stop. I literally felt like I needed to go back and talk to her. So I turned back to reach her, and at the same time, she was turning back also. I asked her if she minded if i walked wit her, and of course she didn't mind. 

Akka and  Tambi

She is 47 years old, married 32 years. Arranged marriage. She loves husband. Sons are 28 and 24. Long story short, I told her I needed to keep on running and that I would take her to her house, I thought she lived on this side of the big road. Somehow she understood I wanted to go to her house, so she invited me. And we went. Older son speaks English, husband doesn't. Emerson mostly spoke with the son, but I hung out with her in the kitchen, and asked questions about marriage. Karti (the son) says his parents are very understanding, and they won't forcing to marry anyone. They trust him to make a good decision about the woman he wants to marry. They won't oppose, that if she is a good girl, it doesn't matter the caste she is or even the religion. MY FAITH IN LOVE WAS RESTORED RIGHT THERE.

Pachamal

They are super kind with my children who are touching the small fish tank and almost poking the fish. Karti says children are children, and you cannot control them. WHAT? That goes against my parenting philosophy, but they are like nothing is going on. Honestly, I saw my Indian mom, and my Indian dad spoiling my children rotten. Enzo was being catered to and given cookies, chips, and candy to the point of throw up.  Then they also gave us food, and it was amazingly hot. Children made a mess, and they don't let me clean.  They don't let me do a thing. I felt bad, like I was... I felt thankful that this family who has never ever had interaction with us was being so welcoming. Libby and Enzo were ringing some bells in Sudha's altar, and I had to tell them in Spanish that those were Sudha's gods. That I know they like the bells, but that I didn't want them to touch them, because I don't think they were there to play with. They never listened - my children. And as much as I tried to explain we do not respect the gods or give them any credibility, we do have to respect Sudha. Bells kept on ringing. 

Then guess who got tired of waiting downstairs? Kannadasan. He shows up at the door, and makes his way into the home of Sudha, and they welcome him, obviously. He is our driver, but I guess, most importantly, he is someone like them. Someone from their culture. I honestly thought that was completely rude, maybe in another situation it might have been. But apparently I am in the wrong here. I am very Americanized. When we leave everybody waves at the car, and are so happy we came. They also said we were family. 

3. REVATHY IS MY TANGACHI (YOUNGER SISTER). OK, this is seriously the best of the three. The most awkward, but the best, in the sense of cultural misunderstanding. So Revathy is our immigration lawyer. I liked her very much, and I told her I want to hang out with them. We invite them to our house on Saturday, a week ago. On Facebook we go on and on about what they want us to cook, vegetarian, non vegetarian. She says she doesn't want me to strain myself with the cooking, that they can come over for a little bit, have snacks and tea, and then that way we can all spend time as family. Families. I thought, and actually told Emerson, "I think they just want to come out for a little while, they want to have dinner on their own, so I don't have to cook anything for them."

Revathy

Once they came, we had a wonderful time, we hung out, and then once they leave, she asked me to go. Let's go have dinner, she says. You're kidding me, right? My children have to go to sleep, you don't know them, but in about thirty minutes they are gonna crash if we go to a restaurant. Maybe we can go some other time. She looks puzzled but says nothing.

Today in our conversation where we talked about parenting styles, I guess,  I realized I might be very uptight  and have a lot to learn about the way Indian people parent. I'm glad I have a friend like her, to whom I could be honest with, and also she was honest with me. So that day, she actually got kind of mad, because she meant we were supposed to go out and have diner as family, but I didn't know we were family!! LOL!

So we ended going to her mom's house like a week after that, and we had a wonderful time!! My children have a Nana in India now and -for all I know- lots of cousins, and uncles and aunts. They also rang the bells non-stop, but at least now I know it is okay to make them ring :)

Nana with Enzo and Libby

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ENZO!

So in other news, Enzo is two years old today!!! We began potty training him yesterday, and it has been very good. We were very busy taking care of him, and just entertaining both of them, but trying to catch Enzo in the act of peeing or pooping, so we could take him to the bathroom. My children have been living on Tang, Banana-Chocolate-Mango-Oatmeal-Honey smoothies (to make Enzo pee), cookies, Kit Kat chocolate, Waffers, etc (as rewards for every time he goes). They are loving it, specially since Libby gets to share her brother success. Libby always shared his cookies with Enzo when she was being potty trained, so he has to share, too.

Birthday boy

Today I learned to use a microwave convection oven. All this time I've been thinking I don't have an oven, but I do. So I was able to make banana bread with cream cheese frosting. Nothing like my monumental birthday cakes (not really), but I was so happy that my boy's birthday didn't go unnoticed. I know it's not about the cake or the party, but about the fact that he is really such a blessing to us, and that's why we needed to celebrate my boy.

Early in the morning Libby went to saw the sunrise with Daddy, and after breakfast we gave Enzo his birthday present. Enzo loved it! We gave him a Thomas train, and they were sharing and using it all day long. All day long.  We had pizza for lunch, and tonight after the bread was done, everybody took a shower. We got dressed super nice, took some photos, and cut the cake!

Ring around the rosie

Jumping

It's been very busy for the last two years of my life... When I had Libby, I felt I had no idea what I was doing. As time passed, I grew confident as a mom, and I knew I didn't want Libby to be an only child. When Enzo was born, I was wiped out in that confidence. Most of the time I didn't know what I was doing, and I was doing just what needed to be done to survive. Now that I think about it, I have no idea how I was able to feed Enzo around the clock, and also interact with my still young 17 month old daughter. It was like living on a fog. I still remember day most of my days where spent pretty much just changing diapers... By the time I changed Enzo, Libby had already pooped or done something else. But we made it through that phase. And Enzo is becoming a wonderful little boy.

Cake

It is amazing how different your children are. Libby has always been more compliant, in a way. Not really... I don't know. She has always had this very independent personality, talking back, getting angry, and yelling at you on your face. But ti never really happened at Enzo's age. Enzo, on the other hand was very, very sweet at the beginning. Very cuddly. He would let me rock him, and kiss him, and hug him. He still does. At bedtime he hugs me, and kisses me all over the face, and he would hug my arm forever and crush it if I don't ask him to stop.

He is growing so much, and changing so much. He was very irrational and brute. I don't have other words. He would hit me, or sister just because he was upset. Push her, or hit her on the face. But as he is growing, he is learning to be more self controlled, and he is sharing, and he loves his sister with all his heart. We have prayed for both of our children even before the day they were born. God knows we need all the patience, and tolerance available n the world. I know everybody knows this, but it is so difficult to be a good parent. And even being a good parent doesn't guarantee you that your children won't make mistakes. And it kinda sucks, you know? I do (around the house) almost everything for them. All I want in the morning is a good morning kiss. A hug. Snuggles. But the first thing that comes out of both their mouths is, "Mom, can I have chocolate milk, and oatmeal with honey? Please?"

Sad Libby

Happy Libby

I'm not a martyr, but this is pretty much what I signed up for. Being a mom to my boy and my girl, tough, has been -by far- the best thing that could have happened to me ever. The days are too long, but the years are so short, I heard Andy Stanley's wife say one time. My boy is two years old. I still remember how tiny he was when he was born. He weighed 8.5 lb, and looked like a little rat full of hair :)

Getting ready

I was telling him yesterday (as he went pipis in the toilet) that when I saw him for the very first time, what I really saw and felt was his urine on my face because he peed on me, ha ha ha! That's how I found out he was a boy. I was very tired, but I felt so thankful, so thankful for being holding him in my arms. My God has really giving me a gift in him. He is loving, and he is very persistent. Very persistent, to the point of being stubborn sometimes. He is passionate about what he feels. He is a very good helper around the house. He brings the oatmeal, or the sugar, or the chocolate powder, and puts everything away. Enzo also takes his dishes to the sink, and pushes his chair in once he's done.

Honor seat

I'm excited for the new years to come with my boy, God willing. I'm excited about spending time only with him like never before. Emerson and I decided it was wise to only send Libby to school for now. That way I can spend time one on one with my sweet and handsome boy. He really likes walking and helping around, so maybe we can go grocery shopping, or clean the house. I don't know. But I want to be with him. The truth is I want to be with both of them, and be there for them, as much as I can. I also need my space, tough. Ha, ha, ha! Libby, Enzo and I sometimes dance to the video on YouTube about the mommy who needs her space (the parody of I'm all about that bass). I tell them the mommy in that video just sings about her day, because all children misbehave sometimes.

My men :)

I also tell them I love them with all my heart, and that I wouldn't change a thing in my life because the truth is I've been given this amazing family as a gift. God gave me Daddy, Libby and Enzo to love them. And I will always love them. No matter what :)

Thomas

Opening gift

Playing