Lost in Translation

Between coli karai [don't mind the spelling] and ulavar chandei, I am learning Tamil, ha ha ha!!

Coli karai is like a shop where you go to buy your fresh chicken, like really fresh. You can pick it and they kill it for you. Not in front of you, of course. I guess, haven't gone yet. Watching that, tough, would be sweet. It would bring back memories of how I killed some rats doing research back in college. 

Ulavar chandei is the place you buy fruits and vegetables. Also, people don't look at me weird anymore, or maybe it's just my perception on things... I feel more relaxed. I can also run in the mornings, but I don't go to the beach as often as I would like because nobody likes going to the beach other than me. Emerson complained all the way back home the last time we went. The only time we have gone actually. Libby and Enzo don't like it either. I don't know what they expect. You go to the beach, you get dirty. But Emerson says he doesn't like the feeling of sand attached to your whole body, and you are sticky and itchy... so anyway, I just go in the mornings when I'm running to see it, and I run on a dirt road very close to it :)

Ready to hang clothes upstairs

So my neighbor Sugirda called today to ask me if it was okay if she could send Nikil upstairs to play with the children, since school had a holiday. I said okay. So I had three children 4 and younger for two hours. Surprisingly, there were no fights, no pushing, and no hitting. Libby and Enzo shared toys, and I was even able to cook... Thank you, Thomas and Friends!!

They watched the show for an hour, and then after that they made puzzles, and played with little toys here and there. Nikil is a sweet boy. He speaks English, but most of the time I don't know what he is saying. Nevertheless, he is nice to have around, especially because I can monitor how he treats my children. He is kind and a good friend, so I don't really mind having him over. And he will be at Libby and Enzo's school, so they might see each other some times ;)

My sweet boy :)

Also, Kannadasan is teaching me some Tamil. Words here and there, but today I began actually writing them on a notebook that I bought specifically for that. And I'm taking care of the groceries budget with cash this time. I think that in Houston I was supposed to take care of it, but I used to pay with the card. I spent more money than the amount I was supposed to spend every single week/month. I want to think that with cash that won't happen. Emerson has warned me... plus it is nice that I'm using cash because I am learning how a budget works in actual life, which I knew in theory, right? But the one who does the budget on excel is Emerson soI need to learn, too.

Life goes by slowly here. I don't have a lot of friends. The ladies I know who speak English, and that I can relate to since they have children, work. So it's not like we can have playdates. The other ladies that I'd like to hang out with and interact with during the day are the maids of the neighbors. Some times they take breaks, and they all sit down, and chat - in Tamil. I was helping them clean garlic the other day, and even though I try to talk, there is no way on earth I will be able to understand what they say. So we all talk like we understand each other, but we don't. It's really funny.

Not that I don't have options...

At first, I was madam, then I was ma'am. Then I told them to call me Karla. So now Pachamal yells when she sees me getting into the building. Aama!! Karla ma! And I go and sit down with her. The other day I gave her some olive oil because she asked for it. Somehow she understood that I told her to take it every day to loose weight, when what I was trying to say was that olive oil is good for cooking and yes, some people take a teaspoon every day. I also told her she needed to exercise to loose weight, and stop eating a lot of vegetable oil. She said I had thinned down since I got here, which cannot be true because she gives me food all the time, and tea with a lot of sugar. All this because the neighbor was able to translate for us.

So I went down to give her the olive oil she wanted, and she asked me how much she owed me, and I said it was free, that it was a gift. Then I changed my mind, and asked her for a tea. Ramia, her 13 year old granddaughter had to make it, of course. We sat down, and chatted for like 15 minutes. And the mosquitos ate my legs and feet :(  She also told me she doesn't like my food because it's not spicy, so fine. I'm not bringing her more of my almost Indian food, but I made her brownies with ice cream. Sometimes when I come back from running she has tea already made for me. And after running 8 miles without food in your stomach because you heard you son getting up, and you left the house as fast as you could, a tea with a lot of sugar is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Daddy's shoe shine

Pachamal and Subraien (her husband), and Ramia and Kannadasan, they carry my children sometimes. And in a way they help. We went to the RTO the other day to get our driver's licenses. Kannadsan asked me if I needed his help. I told him no, that he could wait in the car. I mean, I had my husband, the tablet and the cellphone to entertain my little beasts. Emerson was taking care of everything, but really, all we needed to do was wait. Literally, as soon as we got upstairs, and I was sitting my children down on a bench, I looked up and there is Kannadasan with arms folded, standing still and very straight behind my children, like their body guard. I just laughed to myself, and thought, "Ok... never mind what I said."

After BSF on Tuesday we were at the restaurant we used to eat when we were living at the hotel, and Kannadasan was also eating inside, but I hadn't noticed. Then Libby tells me she needs to go pee, and there is no bathroom. So I get out, and Kannadasan asks me if I need the car, and I'm like Duh!, but then change my mind and took Libby out. I left Enzo with him for two minutes. When I come in again, Enzo is covered in ketchup eating Kannadasan's croissant. And I'm telling Enzo off for eating Kannadasan's food, but both are happy. One eating the food, and the other keeps on giving his food to my child, which I didn't mind. Actually Kannadasan laughed and in very good English, he said, "It's okay, ma'am."  

Cell foam

We left the table so Kannadasan could have time for himself without my children around, and I saw him ordering another croissant. So those things... Pacchamal making me tea, and bringing me dosas and puris, and super spicy food; Monjur asking me if Kannadasan's good (he is Monjur's husband's little brother); Monjur opening for me a can of cherries with a big-butt knife because madam doesn't have a can opener (apparently nobody knows what they are, I cannot find one at the stores)...

I do have friends. I do have people to care for, and who care for me. I want to believe they care. I repeat: I do have friends. I just cannot communicate with them most of the time, LOL!!

But it's okay. God, MY God, goes beyond language barriers. Being kind, and compassionate, and loving towards people translates into any language :)

Stay tuned... I bought my first saree today.

OMG!

So last night Emerson and I were reading a book that was given to me by my friend Dana. It's a daily devotional for couples, and it talks about different things on marriage, Christian marriages. I guess any couple could read it and would benefit from it, but some things might just not make sense AT ALL unless you are are a follower of Jesus Christ.

Fascinated by the tent of sheets

Jesus Christ... I've been hearing that a lot as a cursing word lately in a show I'm watching. I'm not gonna stop watching the show because I like the show. But my brain sometimes wonders things that might not be very important, you know? Like, why would they use Jesus' name instead of some other guy? Like say, in a conversation where they say, "Are you f... kidding me? Jesus!! How can you do that??!!" I mean, they could say something along the lines of, "Are you messing with me?? F... Allah/Vishnu/Parvati/Buda!! Why did you do that?!"

Singing

I guess this is a stupid way to waste my time thinking. Of course, it is an American show. So I wonder, if I watched Indian shows, would they do the same but with the names of their gods? Or not? I'm not getting all defensive, Jesus can take care of Himself. I was just thinking about that. Or like when people say or write OMG, when they are trying to communicate excitement, or frustration or surprise. I mean, is He or it really your God/god? What do you mean? Because people who are completely not believers in anything use these expressions, too. So what god are you talking about if you say you don't believe in any...

Paneer butter masala. He's Indian now :)

I understand it is just an expression, and I will leave it at that. I just think it is very funny how different we might think we are from others, but from what I'm seeing here, everybody is the same. We all struggle with the same shit. Pardon my French. All of us cheat or have cheated. All of us lie or have lied. We all are humans who need love. And the heck with people who might tell me they don't need love. Everyone wants to be loved, feel loved, and accepted, no matter what they have done or what they have said. Everybody wants a father, or a mother, or both who will comfort you when you are afraid, or who will wipe your tears away when your heart is broken. 

Anyway... where was I going with all this? I guess I am just trying to say that genuinely loving people requieres strength that, I believe, only God can give you. All this is just very weird, you know? I am trying to communicate with my driver, Kannadasan, because I saw a little booklet he had in the car. It was written in Tamil. So he mentioned it was songs for his god, and that he sings. And Kannadasan follows ten gods, some hindu gods, other Tamilian gods. And then he laughs as I say, "Wow... that's a lot of gods. Me? Only one."

Filter coffee

And what do I know, right? For all I know, he sometimes says things to me in Tamil that I have no idea what they mean. Speaking of gods, he asked me if I pray to Mary, and I say, "No! Of course not". And then he tells me how some god married a goddess and they had two children. And those children are related to some other gods. This, mind you, when he is driving me to BSF. And yesterday he said something along the lines of personal god. And he said it in English. I was trying to use google translator to ask him if his gods were like, people, or flesh and bones, or just a big thing? I think in Hinduism there is no "Satan", no evil force against their god/gods. And then other Hindu woman told me they are allowed to lie, that if it's to spare other people's feelings, it is okay. Yet the internet says something different. And here I am asking myself, "What the heck, guys? Aren't you on the same page with Brahma? Why can't you put yourselves together and tell me the same things, so that I can understand what you exactly believe?"

Because I really want to understand what they believe... I really do. Because Jesus and Ganesh aside, my friend Revathy is a very sweet mother, and I like her a lot. And Kannadasan is a good driver, who paid his own ticket to get into the Crocodile Bank with us. Emerson thought that was weird... I mean, we said, "See you later, Kannadasan. It will be like an hour." And five minutes later, Kannadasan was carrying Enzo so that he could see the crocs better, ha ha ha! And Kannadasan oldest brother is 50 years old, and his mother is seventy-five. And he told Emerson that his niece is studying to be a nurse. And his mommy (he calls her that) is looking for someone so that he can get married, but he is in love with someone else. Better than a Bollywood movie...

You DO NOT touch the crocodiles, okay? 

"Ice Age" crocodile

Resting. I guess

My loves :)

--  Love. 

--  No love... My culture, no love, arrange marriage.    

-- Well, THAT sucks... I love Emerson. [Emerson is buying milk while my children are crying their lungs out because I took them out of the grocery store. Libby had thrown herself to the floor.]

But all this "confusion" in my mind makes sense in a beautiful, weird way (like Horton tells Kathy in the movie). It's even laughable. Here I am trying to make sense of all their beliefs, and then I thought that if a Muslim or a Hindu would visit the USA for a year or so, and then gets in contact with say a Catholic, a Mormon, a Jehova's witness, an Evangelical Christian, a Methodist, some Lutherans, some Pentecostals, or even some Adventists, plus a Baptist... and his mind would be screwed forever about Christianity. He wouldn't understand AT ALL what the gospel is. What the true gospel of Jesus Christ is about. Jesus never had in mind all these denominations man has created... but as I am trying to understand these new beliefs to make sense of their actions, I find myself liking the people, and even loving them.

Walking at the Crocodile Bank

And it kinda breaks my heart to think that if my God is the One True God like I believe, no matter how nice they are or how "good" people they think they are, that's not gonna make a difference in their eternal destiny. Which I feel unable to communicate because we don't speak the same English. They don't care about a final destination. It's embedded in their culture that you are not perfect, therefore you have to attain perfection several times so you get better and better. Hence, reincarnation. And then I think about reincarnating and that concept just seems so distant to me...

Because it is embedded in my faith that my God will never create me twice or three times because He never makes mistakes, and He will never let me be a dog on the streets. And even if I attained perfection by reincarnating, at the end I just become one with the universe. But what does that mean? Does it mean that my X lives were in vain? Did they actually serve me to be a better "one" with the universe? Is there a point with being one with the universe? Why would I want that?

Ready to go to work like Daddy

Beauty in progess

The more I think about it, the less I understand anything, which I think is good. I'm not really focusing on getting it, and so I don't get distracted from what it is important: Loving people.

Because my God wants me to love them, I believe everybody needs to be loved and accepted no matter what or which their god is. So I will, no matter what :) 

New Home

September 12th, 2012.

So… a lot of new happenings. It’s so much information and I don’t have enough photos – not even ten photos of all the new stuff about our lives. Plus the internet is limited now, so I cannot upload many photos anyway. Emerson told me about changing the size or something like that...

We moved out of the hotel, right? So now we are living in our apartment. As I write this it is Tuesday, September 2nd. But we do not have internet, so who knows when you will be able to read this. According to how I’ve seen things here, it might take a couple of weeks before we get it.You really have to go to other parts of the world to see how rich you are, and how whiny and spoiled you can get. The first day when we moved in I was having such a bad attitude, and really I hated it. I was tired of cleaning the floors and wiping the dust away. My expectations were that when you move into an apartment they give it to you clean, and almost sparkly, but not here. My feet were black with the dust on the floors, and so we cleaned it all. I think the floors are still dirty – but less dirty. We still get very black feet at the end of the day ;)

My boy and girl

Also Paccai brought me a lady because I told her I wanted to learn how to cook. But Lakshmi wanted money monthly, and I had to say no. A cooking lady is not in our budget, plus I had “success” with some parathas and chickpeas that were very spicy. I mean, I am not sure if that was authentic Indian, but they were not as greasy, and that makes me feel better. They use ghee here in excess, and it’s so good!! But it will kill your heart…Ghee is milk fat, and it smells amazing. It’s like butter, but sweeter and it’s a liquid. 

Taking a nap

Pachammal also thinks my children are going to break, especially Enzo. Pacchamal (not Paccai, I was wrong with the spelling) tells me – in Tamil- that it’s too hot to walk with the children outside in the sun, like they are going to burn or something. They are doing fine, it was just 0.3 miles coming back from school. But she's nice, and shares her food with me, and I share mine with her. Also, she speaks to me like I understand what she says in Tamil. Today we met Monjur, who was taking care of Achu. Achu is my neighbor Sagardi’s daughter. Sagardi works from 10 am to 4 pm, but she is helpful and speaks English. She has offered to help in any way I need. 

So on Sunday we went grocery shopping, and it’s hard with two children. A lady called Regini approached me and asked questions… anyway, at the end she said Let’s be friends, come over to my house, and then told me where she lived: three houses down my street. So we went yesterday to thank her for her friendliness. She has two big dogs. One had puppies. Enzo and Libby were excited. She also had like three people working for her, two gardeners and another woman.

Daddy finally risking it :)

Regini mentioned Indian people give a lot of importance to the color of your skin, but that she is not like that. I hope so. She’s Hindu, and she was telling me about very interesting stuff about her beliefs. There are many dogs on my street, and Libby wants to pet them all the time. They don’t mind you most of the time, but as of today, I walk with a stick, like Moses. They feed the dogs because they believe that’s your last life or something. They could be your grandma or your dad. 

I run with my stick in the mornings, too. God knows what you need… It’s safe to run in my neighborhood, at least on the street that runs parallel to my street. I haven’t gone any farther than that. But today as we were walking to school to check it out, Sagardi offered me her driver, so I said yes. He drove around, and it seems nice. So I’ll run a little farther than just around the block tomorrow.

After three hours at the Immigration Bureau

I guess people don’t walk here if they don’t have to, especially if they can afford a driver. Maybe that’s why Pacchama tells me I shouldn’t walk, because my husband has a good job, I guess. But I won’t ride the car with them just to go to school, maybe if I need to go buy groceries, and need the car’s trunk to carry them, but I won’t spoil them. I don’t know, we’ll see...

What else?? So yes, Regini’s beliefs… They have seven lives, and you don’t know if it’s your last one or what, so you better behave and be good, do good karma. Else you’ll pay in the next life. That kinda sucks for the next life, right? I can’t imagine going thru my struggles in this life, plus my stupidity and wrong decision-making ruining my next life, too. But that’s what she believes, and I respect that. I didn’t say anything about Jesus until she asked, actually. 

Just little things like the fact that I just have one life to live freely because Jesus died for my sins. Also that I don’t have to die as the punishment I deserve, because God already took care of that. And that at the end of my life I’ll go to heaven no matter what I did because Jesus already paid for me. Of course that doesn’t give me license to be a jerk to people, but pretty much the whole idea of salvation is that it is a free gift for you if you want it. Pretty simple. So simple that I’m beginning to understand why people sometimes ask Is that it?

Yes. That’s it.

Our games now:
1. Sweep the driveway

For the first time in a long time, I’m not trying to change people’s minds. I guess all this time I knew I shouldn’t, but out of my bubble things are different for now. God is using us in some way, and He has a plan for us while in here, but honestly, I have no freaking idea what that is. 

But I know we are making an impact somehow as a family, because our last day at the hotel, we said good-bye to everybody and they were so kind to us. Sugumar bought the children some candy, and all the staff at the restaurant brought us a chocolate cake. They wanted to take photos with us, and they said they were going to miss the children so much. It was really touching.

2. Play with sticks. They love it :)

I thought it was going to be the same to the other guests who were leaving, but it wasn’t. I told Enzo and Libby they were kind and gentle, and respectful with all these people for a whole month. Shaking hands, saying good morning, saying bye when we were leaving for a walk, talking to them, and getting to know them. The reward was the fact that people cared for us, and they showed it by wanting to be with us, taking pictures, and they even gave us a free cake! 

I told my children they made a difference and it didn’t matter they were little, like that Bible verse about not letting anyone look down on you because you are young, but setting an example to the believers in speech, live, love, faith and purity…

I also like living this kind of beach life, ha ha ha! I can only wash clothes in a little washer, but I’m thankful I have a washer. Then go upstairs, and dry it on the sun. God bless my mother because she did that every day, and washed my clothes by hand. And I am washing dishes again. And I’m sweeping the floors very often, and taking dust away. I don’t even use the AC so much, the breeze feels so nice… which is funny because the first day here I told Emerson that I hated it here, that I couldn’t live a life like this... Now I think that running in 80 degree weather with a 100% humidity is freaking awesome. 

My new home

My sweet boy

Ahh!! Helados Holanda...

I am actually training for the Wipro Chennai Half Marathon on December 7th. I’m training harder than last time, in different weather conditions, and I hope to beat 2 hours. Hopefully I won’t be disappointed. I was 2:35 minutes away from that goal last time, my first time ever. So I hope I can do it this time around.

Enzo is speaking a lot

Libby and Enzo are very excited about school, I think. At least Libby is. And I'm excited for them. I don’t want to get rid of them, but they get bored here because there are no parks around, and the only playgrounds are around schools, clubs or very far away from here. They will play, have friends, and get out of the apartment. Libby will have music, dance, swimming, crafts, etc. I think they are really going to like it.

Their future playground

And I will have two free hours everyday to cook, clean, wash or whatever needs to get done. Relaxing also would be nice, at least once a week. Ha, ha, ha! 

Tomorrow is our first weekend with Kannadasan, our driver. He's been driving Emerson to work this week, and also driving him nuts. Emerson says he drives like an old lady. But I like that, for the children. I like Kannadasan. He doesn't speak English at all, well... words here and there, so it's fun to interact with him, trying to take us places. Today he took us for groceries, and ice cream. So ice cream is good, right?

I'll introduce him to you later with a photo :)